Holy Odin’s Wrath! It seems as if everyone is getting Norsefever, and it appears to be in the form of a second season renewal. If you’re reading this, you’ve also been infected (was I supposed to warn you about that? Oops!). Is your hair looking a little lighter lately? Are you waking up covered in blood with your mane done in ornate braids? Regardless of your gender, are you growing a beard? Do you have an intense craving for drinking alcoholic honey water? Yes? It’s just too late for you, then. There isn’t anything to be done. Don’t worry, I’m there with you. We all are, but you shouldn’t want to be anywhere else. This is the best company you could ask for.
It’s Monday morning.
It’s Viking time.
Last week, we had an amazingly intense episode. Earl Haraldson’s (Gabriel Byrne) obsession with Ragnar (Travis Fimmel) gets continuously creepier and more intense than any Odin-sanctioned restraining order could handle. You may not have thought that was possible, but alas, Earl has handled Ragnar’s popularity really poorly; instead of talking about his feelings, he decides to burn Ragnar’s village to the ground and kill his family. Miraculously, Lagertha (Katheryn Winnick), Athelstan (George Blagden), and the two little monster Lothbrok children float away to safety on their boat. Sadly, the same can’t be said for their farm animals or their farm, which definitely is an ashen nightmare that definitely looks like that time I hit broil on bread and realized it way too late. Ragnar doesn’t fair well at all in his fight against Earl’s goons and barely makes it out of the situation alive. The fact that he is still breathing is pretty surprising considering the massive wounds and the fact that he jumped off of a cliff. But you know, those Vikings had different diets back then, some of those fish and berries could have been magical – ah, who are we kidding, it’s the mead. They find safety within Floki’s abode, where the family nurses Ragnar to health while he grunts and sinks further into a sassy attitude.
Meanwhile, Earl secretly betroths his daughter Thyri (Elinor Crawly) to a Mall Santa Reject and in doing so ignites a silent war with his wife, Siggy (Jessalyn Gilsig). By the end of the episode, when the marriage vows have been said and the consummation has occurred – shudder – you can feel a major marital shift has occurred. Also throwing wrenches into the situation is Rollo (Clive Standen), who is looking to get into Earl Haraldson’s good graces to take the attention away from Ragnar. “Why’re you still looking for Ragnar? I totally promise that my brother is totally, completely dead. Like a doornail. No, deader than that. Super dead. How do I know? I’m his brother, it’s like…ESP or something! P.S. Can I work for you?” Earl doesn’t believe and proceeds to torture him via Glasgow smile. When word gets back to Ragnar, you can feel the shit rising in the room – it’s about to hit the fan. Brace thyselves, Vikings fans!
Holy hell, you had to use two paragraphs for that summary. Are you ill? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a hug?
Nope, beer in hand, I’m ready to conquer this mountain! Ragnar could use that hug, though.