I’m not sure how someone found my blog by searching “daffodil norwegian sex” and I don’t want to know.
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 9, ‘All Change’
When I woke up this morning, I knew something was in the air. Have you ever had that feeling? You can feel it in your room and in your bones, something is about to change. After rolling out of bed, seeing a ghostly image in my eggs where the sunny sides up looked like two giant eyes and the egg whites formed a mouth agape (it looked like this :0, for those of you who have never experienced omens...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 8, ‘Sacrifice’
Here’s the scoop: all week I’ve been farming like a comical sitcom city slicker farming for the first time and am now imbued with a growing feeling of sickness, culminating in my mom’s homeopathic immune boosting cocktail that has left me slightly woozy and with weirdly numb feet. I’m not necessarily using this as an excuse for my lame/unfunny jokes, but I’m just saying that it might have...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 7, ‘A King’s Ransom’
Somewhere between drinking too much wine with my mom while watching Goonies and Overboard, thusly becoming very hungover and making the week seem like ninety days of “I’m never going to drink again—wait, it’s only Friday?”, some family-oriented festivities (Alles Gute Oma!), this is the week that never ends. It just goes on and on (my friends), and it has felt like a stone’s age since I’ve been...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 6, ‘Burial of the Dead’
Holy Odin’s Wrath! It seems as if everyone is getting Norsefever, and it appears to be in the form of a second season renewal. If you’re reading this, you’ve also been infected (was I supposed to warn you about that? Oops!). Is your hair looking a little lighter lately? Are you waking up covered in blood with your mane done in ornate braids? Regardless of your gender, are you growing a beard? Do...
Review: Are You Afraid of the Dark?, ‘The Tale of...
A couple days ago, I wrote an open letter to Amanda Bynes, kindly imploring her to cease her train to crazy town and return to her potential to become a solid C-list sitcom actress (she didn’t listen, by the way. I really wish she had. Amanda, please recognize your problems and get help.). While typing it up, I listed a myriad and very abridged version of my childhood television vices, one of...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 5, ‘Raid’
Happy belated Easter, if you celebrate it, and if you don’t, I hope your lap is still filled with the masticated carcasses of hollow and (nougat or cream or marshmallow or peanut butter or Ferrero Rocher heaven on earth) filled chocolate rabbits that came from pastel and metallic foil that crumble into delightful little balls of telltale gluttony. Though the holiday may be holy, there is no reason...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 4, ‘Trial’
Another week, another Vikings recap. What happened in episode 3? The fresher in my mind it is, the better off we all will be. Last episode, Ragnar (Travis Fimmel) adopted a slave named Athelstan (George Blagden) and introduced him to his family – it was his only take away from his very first raid, which means that they have a super strong emotional connection. Ulterior motives were involved,...
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 3, ‘Dispossessed’
Can you believe it has been an entire week since the last episode of Vikings? I can’t. Time seemed to slip away from me this week, like a boat upon the tumultuous waters of the ocean, with masts and sails made of wood that I wined and dined before brutally carving into a tool for my own success— What are you even talking about? Oh, sorry. I guess I was having flashbacks to last week’s...
You have to listen to it more than once, the internet cried. I tried....– Truth, Yung Rapunxel addition.
Wheel of Why: Girl Meets World: Six Ideas for a... →
wheelofwhy: I am an unabashed Boy Meets World fan. By “unabashed,” I mean that if you just so happen to dislike the show and if you just so happen to mock me about it, I’m going to spend the entirety (eternity?) of my afterlife haunting your family bloodline as revenge. Trust me, you don’t want a spectral… yessssssss
My boyfriend’s blog is hilarious and deserves to be hugely popular. Go look and read and enjoy!
Review: ‘Vikings,’ Episode 2, ‘Wrath of the...
Ah, Vikings. By popular definition, they’re hulking, barbarically hot, drunk, sex-addicted, death-worshipping, brutes that are decent at football; which, in case you’re wondering, are all characteristics that make life fun. I would toast some mead to that, but mead is disgusting. I will, however, raise my beer in their legendary honor that has been setting the frat boy precedent for many a year. ...
Review: Vikings, Episode 1, 'Rites of Passage'
Ah, the History Channel. The very name brings forth black and white footage of World War 2, personal accounts of military courage, and detailed records of Roman culture. Oh, no, wait. That’s ye olde History Channel. Nowadays they air shows like Swamp People, Pawn Stars, Ancient Aliens, and Big Rig Bounty Hunters. You know, quality, deep programming. Though it can be said that their departure from...
Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman is easily one of the most engaging, witty, and fascinating authors I have ever read, bearing that bias in mind, I finished his first collection of short stories and am ready to (spoiler alert) rave about it. In Smoke and Mirrors, a collection of “short fictions and illusions,” Gaiman takes us from science fiction, to horror stories, and back again, yet not without a side-trip to a...
How much of what I perceive is accurate, and how much is a distortion?– (via blonde-buddha)
youburnbriight asked: hi butt
night-hawks asked: !!! SHAN I MISS YOU
Threats by Amelia Gray, a review.
When I picked up Threats by Amelia Gray at a local bookstore, the staff recommendation promised a disturbing, unique, and dark world that blends the surreal and the actual. The summary on the back of the book does the same, hinting at a tale that blends dreams, grief, and danger. After David’s wife Franny passes, he can’t figure out what’s happening around him (is Franny still alive?), however,...
what am i doing with my life